That some serious healing has to occur.
I am so sad.
I just caught myself there- again
Feeling fine and level headed for a second
Then having everything sink in again.
Courtney, Benji was killed.
Benji was someone I ALWAYS looked forward to seeing. He carried such a strong energy, that I could feel it when he walked into a room.
he must have been so scared
Who would want to shoot Benji in the back of the head?
I choke and gag in my mouth starting to tell that story. I can taste it.
It's almost as if I am throwing up my own heart
And I'm only getting dry heaves.
When you said Benji got shot, I tried to
turn myself back in time.
Then this wave of
pain, emotion, regret, fear, and cold
erupted from my stomach and
came screeching out of my throat
and streaming out of my eyes
I felt like my mind was being
asked to carry something that was
far too big for me to even get a grip
on part of it.
Something specifically designed
to continually spin out of grasp,
knocking the wind out of me
Knocking it out of me
so hard, and so fast
That within that instant
the only thing I can understand
is what I'm able to
directly see and feel
The shape and outline of your own body,
the hot red blood coursing through your veins,
and the crushing isolation and paralyzing calm
which is the only thing you're able to breathe.
The concept of time
becomes a blind man's view of how the world looks;
with soft shapes and bleeding colors
My entire understanding of reality
needs to be rebuilt
Starting from which way
is up
and which way
is down
knocking the wind out of me
Knocking it out of me
so hard, and so fast
That within that instant
the only thing I can understand
is what I'm able to
directly see and feel
The shape and outline of your own body,
the hot red blood coursing through your veins,
and the crushing isolation and paralyzing calm
which is the only thing you're able to breathe.
The concept of time
becomes a blind man's view of how the world looks;
with soft shapes and bleeding colors
My entire understanding of reality
needs to be rebuilt
Starting from which way
is up
and which way
is down
Struggling to try and recall
all the forms and textures
of what used to be Familiar
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